Directions: The following email suffers from numerous writing faults such as dangling modifiers, overuse of the passive voice, and fragments. Notice that small superscript number identify each sentence or group of words. Analyze this message and find the faulty sentences or groups of words. (You should find three sentences with dangling modifiers, seven with passive voice, and three fragments. Then revise the message to remedy its faults.
To:
Tyler.Long@cox.org
From:
Janice Rivera <jrivera@24hourgym.com>
Subject:
Expanding Your Workouts at 24-Hour Gym
Cc:
Bcc:
Dear Mr. Long,
124-Hour Gym here in Seattle was probably selected by you because it is one of the top-rated gyms in the Northwest. 2Our principal goal has always been making your workouts productive. 3To continue to provide you with the best equipment and programs, your feedback is needed.
4An outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent trainers has been provided by 24-Hour Gym. 5However, more individual attention could be given by us to our customers if our peak usage time could be extended. 6You have probably noticed that attendance at the gym increases from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. 7We wish it were possible to accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during those hours. 8Although we can’t stretch an hour. 9We would like to make better use of the time between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. 10If more members came later, the gym would have less crush from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.
11To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by my partner and me. 12Cameras for some inside facilities may also be added. 13This matter has been given considerable thought.14Although 24-Hour Gym has never previously had an incident that endangered a member.
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